thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
