when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
