well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
