I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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