i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
