One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
