I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
