nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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