its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
