is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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