so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I am one with the molecules
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
