I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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