And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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