walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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