Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
