So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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