when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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