I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
