Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
