So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
