If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
