Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
