He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize