Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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