Will you blow on my dice?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
