She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
