Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
