nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
