this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
