I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize