if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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