you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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