my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
