I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
