member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
