I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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