I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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