i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
