I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
