Don't you send me to vm
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
