And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
