your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up under a house in Key West
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