whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
