Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
