I need help removing her.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
