im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
