Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
