just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
