I can text with my tongue
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
