I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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