I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
