Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
