Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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