she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
