OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
