fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
