I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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