You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
