right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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