Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
