We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
