can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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