that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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