Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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