I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
