Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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