Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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