he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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