that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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