loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
