So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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