I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
