Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
