i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
