His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
